snow day

Snow days remind me of hustling. Not the hip-hop glamorized version, but the young, hungry and hard-working kind of hustling. I remember waking up on days with high snowfall ready to work. I didn't want to play in the snow, and I sure as hell didn't want hot chocolate. I wanted to get my shovel and I was out the door. I was the skinny kid knocking on doors offering to shovel walkways, porches and driveways for a few extra bucks. I would leave at the crack of dawn and return exhausted, my hands aching and stiff. But I had a sense of accomplishment when I was able to contribute, even if it was just 25 bucks for some groceries.

Fast forward 17 or 18 years to today. We actually had a snow day in Memphis, and I woke up feeling like I needed to go do something. That snow day feeling kind of hit me out of nowhere. My kids filed into the room one after another asking for stuff. We were all lazy, revelling in the pleasure of an unplanned day off. After the first round of requests and visits--cereal...toast...somebody's messing with me...the list goes on--Lori said, "I'm about to go to the store." There was no way I was going to send her out into this weather. Besides, it's the closest I can get to my days of door-to-door shoveling.

I pull out of my driveway, bumping that Dream remix, and drive down my street looking at all the snow-covered driveways on my block. I bet nobody on my street even owns a shovel. "I could have made a fortune" I think to myself. My next thought is: "My kids have no idea what it's like to be hungry. They don't even have the mindset to "hustle." I'm not sure what I expect them to do. Quite frankly we don't need 25 extra bucks for groceries and if we did they sure as hell would not be expected to chip in. I'm not even sure if I would be comfortable with them knocking on people's doors. I keep driving thinking that maybe I will force Kenzer and Mack to shovel somebody's driveway. That's it, I will make them hit the road on a quest to make some money and gain some valuable exprience speaking to people and doing hard work. I heard Lori's voice saying, "are you crazy?" What a stupid idea. I picture them sitting at home in front of the flat screen, giggling and relaxed. I think about telling them how hard I used to work on snow days, but I decide that maybe it will just sound like criticism. Damn...I'm at a loss for words.

I always thought that somehow I could use my hardships growing up to help them understand the world. I thought in some roundabout way that my kids would always remember where I came from. I walk out of the store feeling like I dropped the ball.

Have I spoiled them? I'm not sure. I worked my ass off to make sure my kids never have to do the things that I had to do as a kid. I don't want them to see what I saw. But I can't help but to wonder what kind of people they will grow up to be if they don't know what it's like to struggle. I've got to figure out a way to keep them "hungry" without being hungry, if you know what I mean. In the meantime, we're going to enjoy a big snow day breakfast with some hot chocolate. I'm not sure if that's what is supposed to happen, but it feels like the right thing to do.