Babies are poppin' up all over the place. Something must have been in the water in 09, because I've been hit up by at least 4 phone calls in the last month from friends letting me know they've got "one in the oven." Another 4-5 couples at work have little ones on the way. With all this baby madness surrounding me, I can't help but to get into a little baby talk on occassion. Yesterday I had a somewhat serious conversation with a friend about his baby boy that's due in a few weeks.
"I have to get a few more things ready." Money (my friend) speaks with such authority on the issue.
"Buddy, you're going to be saying that for the rest of your life," I say, trying not to sound cynical and jaded.
"I know...I just feel like I need to get some things in order before he gets here. I gotta get these blinds put up...gotta hang some pictures..." His voice fades and I can see his thoughts wondering.
At that point I wasn't sure what to tell him. A few things ran through my head, but all that I could come up with was, "Money, it's gonna be fine. You're gonna do a great job with this, and there's no way to be more ready than you are right now."
I already knew all the stuff he had read in books and heard from the ladies around the office, so I spared him the detailed advice about swaddling and burping the baby. I thought about some things that I will say next time somebody asks me about being a dad...and I came up with some random things that most people won't tell you (not in any order of importance).
1. It's ok to be afraid at first, but not ok to act like it.
2. The woman is way more attached to the baby than you are before it's born. You can't understand why...nothing's wrong with you...it will change the moment you see him/her.
3. The 6 weeks after the birth when you can't have sex really sucks. Get mentally prepared for that shit, because I had no clue and walked into it blindly.
4. Babies never sleep at all (unless you get lucky).
5. The first time you leave the baby (with a sitter or with family) overnight, she will agonize over it the whole time.
6. Sometimes your kids make you feel like a superhero.
7. Whenever you try to take a nap for the next 15 years, somebody is going to walk in and ask for something to eat.
8. They will grow up 10 times faster than you think.
9. One day your daughter will like boys...you will be pissed.
10. When your daughter likes boys you will be pissed at everybody: your daughter, all boys, and your wife. Everyone will conspire against you and you will not like it.
11. I hate boys...someday you will hate boys.
12. You don't know half of what you think you know.
13. Most things will not go according to plan.
14. It's like sports, you get back what you put in. It takes work to be good.
15. It's worth it. Whatever it is...it's worth it.
Fear not, this is not the end of the list...when the moment hits me, I will add to this thing from time to time.
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