Be realistic with your kids!

Yesterday Mack Attack, my oldest boy, played in a basketball game against a local rival. He's in the 7th grade, and he has an impressive blend of natural, God-given athleticism and years of technical and fundamental work. As we used to say in college, "he gives people the business"--most of the time.

At one point in the game he stepped into a passing lane, got the steal, gave the defender a nice stutter-step, to an in-an-out dribble and finished with left-hand lay-up. This just happens to be a move we've worked on several times. At that point, a man turns to me and asks, "who's that kid?" I had a chance to utter the words that so many fathers dream of saying at a sporting event.

"That's my son."
"What?"
"That's my son." I say with my chest poked out a bit more than usual (I have been working out).
"Wow, he's good" the guy says.
"He's O.K. He has a lot to work on."
"No. He's really good" the guy says.
"Thanks, but he has a lot to work on this summer. Hopefully, he will be good next year."


That is my response. "He is O.K." The guy looks at me like I am the worst parent on Earth. He looks at me like I don't appreciate my own kid. What he doesn't understand is that it pays to be realistic. You can be head over heels in love with your kids and everything that they do. But you cannot lose perspective. That leads to false hope and unrealistic expectations for your kid and for those around him. I'm proud of my son's abilities and accomplishments on the court, but on a national level, he would be somewhere in the middle. On a continuum of players, from terrible to great, my son would be somewhere in the middle. Like a C+. However, he just happens to be the best player on his team. People pat him on the back after every game and tell him how amazing he is. He is handling it well, and he usually comes home after every game and talks about how much fun he had or how one of his teammates played well. He rarely brags on his own game (I don't know how he managed being so humble with me as an example).

This is where perspective and goal-setting come in. If we were complacent with him being the best player on his small private school team, then what would our goals be? Don't get me wrong. I congratulate him for playing great games and for being a leader, but he is simply not a great player YET. I say yet, because the goal is for him to reach that level. Whether he does or he doesn't, I will be proud. I will be proud, but I will be realistic.

Allow me a little soap box time:
These parents need to stop hyping their kids up to be the next best thing when it comes to sports. If your kid really is great, then I take my hat off to you. Otherwise, you should praise them when they do well, set goals to get better, and work to reach them. Sometimes when parents come to games and their kids play terribly or not at all, they blame the coach. They blame the school. They even go as far as to blame the other kids on the team. In my not so humble opinion, if your kid isn't good there are one of three things going on:

1. They're just not good. We are not all born with the same talents and gifts. Hard work and dedication can move mountains, but some people just don't have it to begin with. With all the work in the world there's a certain level some people will never reach.

2. They don't want to play anyway. I'm guilty of this one. I will force my kids to play a sport without a second thought. I tell them, "you're not going to sit on the couch watching Spongebob and Hannah Montana. You're gonna play a sport or get a job." Then when they say, I'm too young to get a job, I say, "Well then it's an easy choice." At that point I know that they won't necessarily excel, because the desire is not there. But I would rather have them out there playing and competing than watching television. But I don't come to the game and blame the damn coach.

3. The parents don't spend time with their kids. Plain and simple, some of these people get pissed off when they see how terrible their kids are, because it reminds them of all the time they DIDN'T spend with their kids. Spend some damn time with your kids.

As for me, I'm looking forward to the next game. In the meantime, we need to work on Mack's pull-up jumper. He's been fading to the left.